“If you refuse to travel into your own interior world, you cannot be trusted in the world around you.” ~ Black Liturgies
POST-GAME PROCESSING
You might be thinking: “I played Shadow Play and now I am triggered. I don’t feel like I can process this by myself.”
INDICATORS of being triggered or stuck can include:
Steps to Process Stuckness:
The following can be done individually (as a writing prompt) or with the person(s) you are triggered by. Fill in the blanks from the sentence stem below.
If you’re doing this with the person(s) you are triggered by, read the completed sentence to them out loud. The player(s) receiving this, simply say “thank you” or “I hear you”. Switch roles if the player receiving it feels triggered around this as well. However, remember that this approach does not depend on reciprocity of others to also choose emotional sovereignty. What matters is that you embody this, without external conditionality.
When I heard _______ [insert judgment], I made it mean _______ [insert storyline “that I…” or “that you…”] and I felt _______ [insert emotion or sensation “angry, misunderstood, self-conscious, ashamed, confused…”].
Do you have clarity that the sensations and emotions are different from the storyline?
If YES:
If NO:
Take a breath and notice the sensations arising as you imagine receiving your judgment.
POST-GAME PROCESSING
You might be thinking: “I played Shadow Play and now I am triggered. I don’t feel like I can process this by myself.”
INDICATORS of being triggered or stuck can include:
- Explaining or Analysis Paralysis
- I did this because…
- This context is different…
- What you’re not seeing is…
- This person doesn’t understand me…
- Villain and Victim Storylines
- Their judgment of me isn’t accurate, they are a narcissist.
- I already know I’m pathetic. I don’t need others to tell me what a fuck up I am.
- That asshole is projecting. This has nothing to do with me.
- I deserved this, but they also have this issue.
- These people don’t understand or can’t relate to my trauma.
- I wish that I could say________to that person.
- Ruminating or Obsessing over the Past or the Future
- If only I had done something different, I could have prevented this.
- This is what this will mean about my experience in the future…
- I wish I had done _________instead.
- I’m screwed.
- Disassociation
- This game is harmful.
- I feel numb.
- This didn’t land for me/I don’t resonate with this.
- This is just a game; people didn’t really mean this.
- Let’s go get a beer.
- I’m out.
- Caretaking
- I feel scared that now that you heard my judgment, you will hate me.
- I worry that what I shared will impact the quality of our connection.
- I want to take back what I wrote.
- I feel responsible for the way you feel or reacted to my judgment.
- Everyone is getting hurt by this game and we should all stop immediately.
- What I really meant was…
Steps to Process Stuckness:
The following can be done individually (as a writing prompt) or with the person(s) you are triggered by. Fill in the blanks from the sentence stem below.
If you’re doing this with the person(s) you are triggered by, read the completed sentence to them out loud. The player(s) receiving this, simply say “thank you” or “I hear you”. Switch roles if the player receiving it feels triggered around this as well. However, remember that this approach does not depend on reciprocity of others to also choose emotional sovereignty. What matters is that you embody this, without external conditionality.
When I heard _______ [insert judgment], I made it mean _______ [insert storyline “that I…” or “that you…”] and I felt _______ [insert emotion or sensation “angry, misunderstood, self-conscious, ashamed, confused…”].
Do you have clarity that the sensations and emotions are different from the storyline?
If YES:
- Lean into the sensations and emotions. Notice your thoughts tempt you into things like analysis, excuse, and shame.
- Allow the sensations and emotions to move through you freely. Breathe. Feel the grief. (remember that this too shall pass, but not until you fully feel it)
- Self-connection: When you have fully honored your feelings, do you subsequently notice a spaciousness, feel connected to yourself? This could show up as expanded capacity to be present with whatever might be arising next.
- Connection to other/s: When you have fully honored your feelings, do you subsequently notice an expanded intimacy towards who you were blaming? (This could also be you.) This could show up as empathy or an expanded capacity to be with their experience without reactivity. It could also show up as curiosity towards the other person’s inner reality or experience.
If NO:
Take a breath and notice the sensations arising as you imagine receiving your judgment.
- Let the thoughts and stories drift by, keeping your attention on the feeling.
- Sit with this for as long as needed, until you notice a distinction between your emotions and stories.
- The most important thing at this point is to feel grief. Here are some recommendations of ways you can invite grief to move through your body:
- Spend time in nature
- Write about your thoughts and feelings
- Take a walk or engage in some other form of “moving meditation”
- Contact a therapist, shaman, coach, or mentor
- Consider a plant medicine journey
- Refrain from confiding in codependent friends
- Scream
- Cry
- Bang a stick on the ground
- Ask a tree to guide you
- Do some art, paint, draw, or make a mess
- Ask yourself for forgiveness
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